Dear Carie,

Dear Carie,

I usually don't write letters out of sadness and regrets. But you have managed to make your way into my soul and became an exception in almost every aspect of my life. So, here it is. The things that were left unsaid, the feelings that I hid from you. The things that I will never forget.

I will never forget you.

I will never forget the way you walked towards me the day I brought you coffee. And the way you hugged me after realizing that I brought breakfast too.

I will never forget the way you make fun of me every time I say something cheesy. How you laugh at my dorkiness and how corny my jokes are. But I never really mind because I get to hear your beautiful laughter and I get to see you roll back your head and watch how your dimples deepen with your smiles. 

I will never forget your smile and how it never failed to brighten up the darkness inside the walls of my heart. How it made me tear them down brick by brick swiftly and irrevocably. And how it hurt me when I've finally realized that I will never be the reason you smile again.

I will never forget the way you read your book that afternoon. We were inside a coffee shop and your eyes would run from left to right making me think how it would feel like to look directly at them. Wondering if it would make me feel warm, like the way I feel when I hear you laugh. 

I will never forget how the rays of the sun made your hair gleam and how the light would touch your pale skin and make it even more beautiful than it already is.

I will never forget the way you held my hand that night. How you held on tighter for the first time in two months and how you rubbed your thumb on the back of my hand causing my temperature to rise. I will never forget how you bring your hand on to your forehead everytime you get overwhelmed with feelings. I will never forget how your eyebrows would meet when you get confused and how I would want to touch the lines on your forehead and rub it till the lines disappear.

I will never forget how you turned your gaze away to avoid meeting mine that one afternoon. And how I felt so crushed realizing that I could never exist in your life the way I want to. Not anymore.

Lastly, I will never forget how I fell for you.

With my eyes open and my knees bruised, I still ran towards you and I know for a fact that right at this moment, in this lifetime, if you'd let me, I'd still run to you. I fell and I didn't mind the reasons why I shouldn't. I fell. Real hard. And I don't think I will ever forget that. 

But I will move on. And I will heal myself. Treat my cuts and scratches from running to you a thousand times, falling and scraping my knees along the way. I will heal them and make them strong again. I will move on, walk on. And I will never let myself go back. 

I will never go back and make the same mistake again, but I will never, ever forget.

Not you.

Not us.

Always.