found it.

There's always those moments,

the millisecond memory,
the influx of feelings,
remembering you.

It's always the same routine.

My mind wanders around what could've been,
My heart breaks a little less realizing that nothing is gonna change.

I know in my heart that I don't even want anything to change.
But sometimes I think of you.

I think of what could've happened.
Would you have fallen in love with me deeper?
Would you have held my hand?

A momentary lapse of judgement leads me to a whirlwind of should haves, could have beens and what ifs. As if if I ever did something else in the moment, something would happen.


I always go back.
My mind always wonder back to you.
And I do feel pain. I feel sadness, I feel longing.

But I don't want it anymore.

I don't feel the need to run to anyone else anymore.

I just want to find me.